The maid of honor just puked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
