normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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