I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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