Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize