I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
