I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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