so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
