We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
