Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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