I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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