youre lurking in front of me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
