Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
