I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
