a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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