what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize