Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
