Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My vagina just clenched in fear
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
