So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
