Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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