I think I am morally bankrupt
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
