it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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