Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
