So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
