mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
