We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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