Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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