Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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