it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
