I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
