Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
