She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
