3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
