omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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