you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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