I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
