Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
