This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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