i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize