It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
