okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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