You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
