So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do herpes really smell.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
