Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
