ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
