She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
a search helicopter?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
