Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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