omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
