so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
