Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
