thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
