so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
