the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
