is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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