I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
