my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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