just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
