hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
