Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
