I faked an abortion last night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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