That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
