I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
