I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
