I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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