Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
