Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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