OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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