His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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