Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
