Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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