I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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