Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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