Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
