I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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