so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My bed smells like the plague
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
