bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
